I hate using the term “bitter-sweet” to describe the last year of my life. It could not be more cliché. But more than that…it significantly undervalues the events of the past 365 days and their long-term implications for my life. This was truly the worst-best year ever. Here’s a recap: We rang in the New Year with happy hearts and big dreams for our two tiny humans.
We watched in awe as those tiny humans grew...and grew…and grew. (Seriously, who knew a stomach could get that big!)
We spent A
LOT of time with doctors. Ultrasounds, blood tests, fetal heart echos, non-stress tests, you name it. We knew there were complications. We could see in each new doctor’s eyes their level of concern. We were heartbroken, but hopeful.
We spent the last six weeks of our pregnancy in Chicago, in and out of the Prentice Women’s Hospital. We learned to take it day by day. Enjoy the little things. And try not to drive each other bat crap crazy.
On May 21, we welcomed the two most beautiful souls into this world.
On May 22, I held one of my babies as her heart stopped beating, forever taking with it a piece of mine.
Every day since then, I have fought to balance grief and gratitude. I’ve walked the line between inconceivable happiness and inconsolable heartache. And honestly, I’m not sure I’ll ever get the balance quite right.
But also every day since then, I have had the privilege of watching this beautiful girl grow and learn and bloom. It is the most incredible thing I’ve ever been a part of.
In some ways, I wanted 2015 to last forever. In others, this past year of my life could not come to a close quickly enough. For those of you who have followed our journey – continually sending your thoughts and keeping us in your prayers – I thank you. You had more impact on our lives than you will ever know. When we look back at 2015, you will forever be a part of our story.
With Grace,
Jen