Dear Truett Thomas — Honestly Hummel

Aug 3

Aug 3 Dear Truett Thomas

It hardly feels possible that you are a year old.

Of course, I can remember life before you...as a lot of life happened in the years before I became your mama. I lived nearly 34 years without you, but I cannot imagine another day of my life without you in it.

It has been a hard year. A hard couple of years, really — beginning somewhere in the middle of our pregnancy and honestly continuing still to this day. A time in our nation's history that you'll read about in your history books one day, no doubt.

A global health pandemic. Racial unrest. Political polarization. People tearing down and dehumanizing one another under the pretense of doing what is "right" and "good" — this kind of behavior is never good, for the record.

It's been difficult to watch, really.

But sweet boy, during this time when the world around us has often felt both uncertain and unkind — you have brought an inexplicable peace and joy into our lives.

I am most at ease when you are in my arms. I have found solace in the late nights and early mornings (or even just naptimes) feeding you and rocking with you and looking into your eyes until you so contentedly drift off into the sweetest state of sleep. We could all use to feel a little more like that, these days.

Your big brown eye give me inexplicable hope. Your sweet smile brings me indescribable joy.

Unlike with your sisters [who I have always seen most clearly at the exact age they are] my mind often wanders to your future.

I consider the kind of boy you're growing into. Will you be wonderfully wild and free-spirited like Lexi? Or more calculated and caring like Lakyn? I wonder if you'll be steady and strong-willed, or more the sensitive and silent type. I don't wonder these things with predetermined judgment or prejudice... but more with curiosity and anticipation. I cannot wait to discover the little man whom now I can only imagine in my mind.

I think about life in your teenage years and I won’t lie — these thoughts scare me a little. Will you be kind and compassionate but also confident in who you are? Will you understand the importance of the choices you make and the company you keep? Will you follow or lead? Will I have done enough that in times of trouble — even when you don't want to turn to me — you will turn to God? I feel the pressure of making sure you are prepared for this inevitably unsettled phase of life.

I dream about you as a grown young man — as you make your way through college and early adulthood. I pray for your discernment in making the bigger life choices you will be faced with — what kind of career you will chase; where you will live; HOW you will live. I pray over your pursuit of a spouse and over her heart for you. I pray that our relationship only gets stronger as you discover yourself. I try to envision the joy I will feel watching you live out your life and It fills my heart to the brim.

With you, my mind wanders. My heart drifts. But you always, always bring me back. You pull me back into the present with you. And being with you — just where you are — is right where I'm supposed to be.

Somehow, you are already one sweet boy. But also — you are only one.

You have a lot of life left to live, God willing. And I consider myself blessed beyond measure that He wrote me in as a main character in your story. I don't know exactly what every chapter will look like but that's part of the fun, isn't it? What I do know without a doubt is that your story, son — it's going to be a good one.