Yesterday morning I woke up in what I would call a "funk". It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and I had nothing specific on my agenda for the day. Still...I felt incredibly overwhelmed. Emotionally depleted. Anxious, even. Over nothing in particular, but everything in general. I hate to admit...these aren't entirely unusual emotions for me. And if I'm not careful, I can let these "feelings" go to far. So far that they can become debilitating. They consume me, and then overflow onto the people around me. Not all of the people, to be fair...I can hide it from the general public. But those who know me and whom I love dearly...they become the indirect victims of my emotional angst. If I catch myself slipping into it soon enough, I can sometimes prevent that from happening. Other times, not so much.
Thankfully, I have a husband who not only recognizes this piece of me, but also over the years has learned what I need to pull myself out of it. He doesn't press for answers. He doesn't push for action. He lets me breath. He gives me grace. These things may sound small, but in reality they. are. everything.
Yesterday morning, that looked like giving me a solo trip into town to run some errands (i.e., an excuse to drive 25 miles for a Starbucks iced latte) while he managed things at home. On the drive, I started one of the audiobooks that's been sitting in my "to listen to" queue for a while – Present Over Perfect. I ran my errands, trying to soak in some much needed rays of Vitamin D and convince myself that today is a good day. I only half-heartedly listened to the words coming through my speakers. Until I heard this:
“You don’t have to damage your body, and your soul and the people you love most in order to get done what you think you have to get done. You don’t have to live like this.”
[Present over Perfect]
I stopped – hit the 30 second rewind button – listened again. And then again. I let the words soak into my soul and penetrate my weary heart.
I do not have to do all. of. the. things.
It's like I just needed permission. But from who? Myself? My husband? The author of this book? I'm still not sure.
I write these things for the same reasons I write most things on this blog – not because I have it all figured out or because I have some magical answer. But because, one, it is extremely therapeutic for me to put my thoughts into words. And two, I know I am not the only one out there feeling and facing these things. And sometimes, all we need to know is that there is someone else is in the trenches with us. And friend, there is always someone in the trenches with you. His name is Jesus.
Sometimes, I forget. I forget that the creator of the universe also created me. I forget that while He made me flawed and imperfect and deficient in so many ways, that's ok – because He also created me perfectly for His purpose. He created me in His image. And I need to be reminded of these words from my creator:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9
Maybe you need reminded of those words today, too. Maybe you need someone to tell you it's ok. It's ok to slow down. To take a deep breath. To throw that "to do" list out the window and instead spend some time just being and loving and living. It's ok.
In fact, sometimes...it's necessary.
With Grace,
Jen