It's not you, it's me.

Dear Daughter,

 It’s not you…it’s me. 

 When I lose my temper and raise my voice a decibel louder than intended – I desperately want to tell you, it’s not you…it’s me.

 When I say the thing I immediately wish I could take back and I see the hurt in your eyes – I pray that you see baby girl, it’s not you…it’s me.

 When I use kind words and a gentle voice with your baby sister, and in the same breath only offer you impatience and exasperation – I desperately want you to know, it’s not you (or her)...it’s me. 

 When I’m not considerate with the words I speak about you while you are in the room – please hear me when I say, it’s not you...it’s me.

 When I ask daddy to tuck you in because I can’t take one more minute – sweet girl, rest assured, it’s not you…it’s me.

 When I need a minute, an hour or even a day to myself, away from this chaos of life – I pray that you understand, it’s not you…it’s me.

You see, sweet girl, when you look at me all you see is your mama. And I love that about you – that you see me with such innocent eyes. But the thing is…I am so much more than that. I am also a wife, a daughter, sister and a friend. I am an employee, a volunteer, and a life-long learner. I am a sinner, but also a servant of God. And each of these roles – these responsibilities that I carry – they can make life a little complicated sometimes. 

In other words…I am human.

And I make mistakes. A lot of them. 

And on the days when I’m pushed to far or stretched too thin in the other roles of my life, I fall short with you. I fall short as a mama.

 I lose my temper.

I raise my voice.

I use unkind words.

I treat you unfairly. 

I am inconsiderate. 

I am impatient.

I am selfish. 

And unfortunately, it is likely that some day you will understand. You will know what it feels like to feel this way. And if nothing else, I pray it will help you see my heart for you a little more clearly.

But until then, sweet girl, please know – it’s not you, it’s me.